The Great Greenhouse Wars |
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It happens every year at this time. Actually, it’s happened every year for the last eight years. An event that turns best friends with whom I have shared every thought with all winter, into arch rivals with whom I must lie to and deceive; spy on and conspire against. It is the annual fight to the end. It is the “Greenhouse Wars”! It all started innocently enough, Chatty Kathy, Tim the Mouth, Jake the Snake, Roscoe and myself all shared a few pitchers as we discussed the oncoming gardening season. “Last year, I had so much basil I had to borrow a baler for two days just to harvest it all,” blurted Roscoe, slamming his empty beer glass on the table in a testosterone charged display of herbacultivist chest pounding.Almost immediately, Jake the Snake’s face turned from just plain mean and ugly to a “You think you know how to grow great herbs” really mean and uglier look. Before he could say anything, the Mouth took over, “I was raised on a farm!” He said, mistakenly thinking he was bragging. “My dad taught me more about herb cultivation than all you will ever know together!” The Mouth stated matter-of-factly, slamming his empty glass on the table. “Corn is not an herb!” Chatty Kathy said, with a sarcastic chuckle. The argument went on, but at the end of that summer, upon the sharing of several more pitchers of Alaskan Amber, the rewards of the horticultural differences we all had that spring, came to fruition in each of our greenhouse propagation stories. Not just stories, but actual verification of our greenhouse triumphs. Artichokes, enormous cucumbers, cantaloupes and watermelons were presented as proof of each of our horticultural finesse. Each of us, after that springtime posturing, had gone home to our greenhouses and set about to out-do our fellow plant-nurturing nemesis. Even as it seemed we mutually shared a plateau of growing these foreign flora in the North, our short harvest camaraderie gave way to jealousness and competitiveness that usually gives way to the great conflicts of humanity. And so the Great Greenhouse Wars were born, each year becoming more and more intense. Each growing seasons starting earlier and the plants becoming more and more exotic. During the first year of the Great Greenhouse Wars, it was mid-September when Chatty Kathy started bringing “greenhouse gifts” to the rest of us. An over burdened basket containing foot long runner beans, giant cucumbers, yellow pear tomatoes and the coup de gras, artichokes. The rest of us turned green with envy as she handed us each a beautiful artichoke from her greenhouse and covertly plotted how to out-do the others. It would take two years for me to even bother bringing my prize harvest to the others. It was three single limes from a dwarf lime tree that finally fruited and eeked out three of the best tasting limes any of us had ever had in a gin & tonic. However, not to be out-done, Roscoe, Time the Mouth and Jake the Snake all began pursuing plant catalogues and began changing the microclimates of their greenhouses to fir their desired flora’s needs. I suspected over the years, the wars were festering and becoming more and more covert. The need to win was causing more and more rivalry that extended into the realms of spying and sabotage. “Which one of you blankety-blanks was over to my greenhouse snooping yesterday?!” Jake the Snake sneered at our weekly meeting at the local water hole. “Probably the same person who came over to mine while I was at work last week and left the door open, killing my hybrid corn starts!” The Mouth accused, almost in tears. So it went, getting worse and worse every year. Each of them spending intense amounts of time and money to groom the most Non-Alaskan fruits, vegetables, and herbs, ever seen in the Great North. Thinking back, we’ve tasted bananas, pineapples, tomatillos, grapes, blackberries, cantaloupe and even watermelon all from our individual greenhouse efforts. There have also been many failures in our efforts. Probably more than we admit to each other. Manchurian apricots, dwarf cherries and albino pumpkins to name a few. The failures only seemed to add fuel to the fires inside us. To this day, to protect the secret starts he has going, Roscoe Hooper write his plant labels in code so no one else knows what he has planned for this season’s battles. Jake the Snake has taken to locking up his greenhouse to protect his precious harvests while the Mouth tied up a rather vicious sounding dog outside his greenhouse. With no end in sight to the Great Greenhouse Wars, I’m thinking of booby-trapping my growing space and planting some Round-up in Chatty Kathy’s watering can. Lagniappe With Mother’s Day approaching this Sunday, a culinary thank you to go with a bouquet of spring flowers is always a wonderful idea. Try one of these great brunch entrees:
Seafood OmeletPrepare an omelet using your mother’s (or the mother of you children’s) favorite seafood. Mix three eggs, some chopped scallions and a splash of cream with cooked crab, shrimp, scallops, or smoked salmon. Add a little shredded Monterey jack cheese to the center when folding it in half.
Breakfast Steak with Stilton CheeseServe this steak with a side of fresh fruit and yogurt. For two: 2, 6oz. New York Strip Steaks 2oz English Stilton Bleu Cheese Salt and pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 400°F. On top of the stove, spray a non-stick skillet lightly with olive oil and heat to medium heat. Flash fry steaks for 2 minutes per side. Put steaks on a baking pan, top each with one ounce of the Stilton Cheese and place in oven for about 4 minutes. Serve immediately.
Salmon FrittataFor four: 8 eggs 6oz salmon, cooked & flaked, no bones 1 cup shredded potato, blanched 1 cup shredded white cheddar 2 small shallots, chopped Oil for pan
Crack eggs into a mixing bowl; combine all remaining ingredients reserving ½ of the cheddar. Pour into a round, well oiled baking dish. Pour egg mixture into dish and float remaining cheese on top. Place in a 375° oven for about 20 minutes, until middle is firm. Let rest 10 minutes before cutting into pie-like slices. Top with sour cream or salsa if desired.
GOOD COOKING!! For a printer friendly copy of this recipe, click here.
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